LaDanian Tomlinson, once the crown jewel of the ~Melonhead franchise, has been owned by Greeks teams the last two years
The 10th annual I Shoe draft was held in Dillon, Colorado. Owners from all 10 teams were present for the draft, which meant that, the first time in 8 years, the draft was not bogged down by internet or phone bids. Unfortunately, Castro owner Kyle Reeb was a surprising late scratch due to transportation issues. "I'm bummed man- I ended up staying home and played hide the sausage with Arturo Fuente- I got cigar burns all over my ass now."
The draft featured typical props such as ninja pants and raisins, and owner Coco Khoury added a plastic teddy-bear shaped bottle of honey. "The honey goes good on granola bars." noted Khoury.
By a narrow margin, the owners enacted "The Franchise Rule," a revolutionary Rule which allows owners keeping a player for a third year in a row to assert a franchise tag and avoid paying a top-5 salary increase. "If Clarence was there, this rule would have never been enacted." noted disgusted Manimal co-owner Rico McGelboim.
Additionally, the owners voted on a league mandate (not quite a rule) to require the winner of the previous season to bring the plaque with him to the draft. "The plaque is a work of art that should be seen by all and cherished- I want it to be seen by all my Laotian and Cambodian love children- it is not meant to be kept in some asshole's basement." noted Borgnine Emeson.
Three trades occurred:
1. AJFA traded DeAngelo Williams to Bafana for Matt Ryan.
2. Mills/Reeb traded Adrian Peterson to Otis for Larry Fitzgerald.
3. AK traded Knowshon Moreno and Percy Harvin to AJFA for Pierre Thomas and Miles Austin.
The league fee is $100. Please send payment to:
Mike McKeon
240 E Montgomery Ave.
Unit 16
Ardmore, PA 19003
The first 35 picks were as follows:
1. Michael Turner, RB $153 (Manimals)
2. Adrian Peterson, RB $220 (Castro)
3. Drew Brees, QB $65 (Otis)
4. Julio Jones, WR $40 (Petros)
5. Reggie Wayne, WR $92 (AJFA)
6. Fred Jackson, RB $47 (Petros)
7. Roy Williams, WR $19 (Otis)
8. Dwayne Bowe, WR $90 (Bafana)
9. Maurice Jones-Drew, RB $172 (Stompers)
10. DeMarco Murray, RB $13 (Petros)
11. Steven Jackson, RB $132 (Mills)
12. Roddy White, WR $135 (Stavros)
13. Jay Cutler, QB $14 (Stavros)
14. Garrett Hartley, K $2 (Stompers)
15. Knowshon Moreno, RB $115 (AK)
16. Daniel Thomas, RB $67 (Mills)
17. Mike Williams, WR SEA $9 (Otis)
18. Jacoby Ford, WR $11 (Emeson)
19. Braylon Edwards, WR $9 (Otis)
20. Roy Helu, RB $35 (Manimals)
21. Jahvid Best, RB $77 (AK)
22. Peyton Hillis, RB $140 (Bafana)
23. Percy Harvin, WR $30 (AJFA)
24. Aurelius Benn, WR $9 (AJFA)
25. Mark Ingram, RB $105 (Emeson)
26. A.J. Green, WR $20 (Bafana)
27. CJ Spiller, RB $36 (AK)
28. Nate Burleson, WR $10 (Castro)
29. Anquan Boldin, WR $55 (Castro)
30. Tony Gonzalez, TE $6 (Stompers)
31. Ryan Mathews, RB $96 (Otis)
32. Mason Crosby, K $2 (Petros)
33. NY Jets Defense, $4 (Emeson)
34. Rams Defense, $1 (Petros)
35. Ryan Williams, $76 (Manimals)
Other draft notes:
-Manimals' draft pick Ryan Williams suffered a season ending injury several hours after the draft
-Adrian Peterson was the most expensive draft pick ($220)
-Mark Ingram was the most expensive rookie ($105)
-No rookie QBs were taken
-Despite beginning the draft with considerable money, AK was the last owner to win a player (Jahvid Best at pick #21)
-Stavros called out the first pick in the draft (Michael Turner)
-The teams came into the draft with more than $2,900 in combined cap space which is believed to be a record. The teams had an average of nearly $31 to spend per player. There were a total of 96 picks.
-Stompers owner McKeon was the first and only owner to pass out during the draft; he is believed to have passed out around pick #74.
-Watch out for Bafana- Bafana has a league-leading 9 RBs on its roster, including De'Angelo Williams, Marshawn Lynch, Ahmad Bradshaw, Peyton Hillis and Joseph Addai. Bafana also has plenty of other stars, including Tom Brady, Mike Wallace, Dwayne Bowe, Marques Colston, A.J. Green and Jason Whitten.
-Stavros' bidding on TB WR Dezmon Briscoe was ruined by banter from the auctioneer which led to an outpouring of shock and horror from across the league. In future auctions, auctioneers may be sanctioned for providing unprovoked commentary on the background of a player during active bidding.
-Stavros' post-draft roster includes $369 spent on (3) WRs (Roddy White, Andre Johnson, Calvin Johnson). The Kapitalizm Stompers have spent $477 on (3) RBs (Chris Johnson, Arian Foster and Maurice Jones-Drew).
-The least amount of money on the post-draft rosters per position is as follows:
QB - $6 Manimals
RB- $157 Stavros
WR- $38 Manimals
TE- $3 AJFA
2 comments:
A hot ember continues to burn deeply in my colon.
That Trish Heffer is one fine piece of ass
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