KTFO Wins 2011 I Shoe Championship!

KTFO won its league third championship in the row, defeating Clarence Lee (AKA "Howie Kendrick") 6-4 in the 8th season of the I Shoe baseball season.

Lee dominated the offensive categories, decisively beating KTFO is HRs (17-9), runs (70-48), RBIs (74-41) and OPS (.946 to .773). However, KTFO won SBs 14-9, and swept the pitching categories (Wins: 9-6, Saves: 6-2, Ks: 123-98, ERA 3.30-4.74, WHIP 1.19-1.36).

Washington Nationals Stephen Strasburg (1 win, 13 Ks, 1.80 ERA) and Michael Morse (4 HRs, 9 RBIs) led the way for KTFO. "Strasburg has a devastating fastball and a breath-taking hairy beanbag." noted Coach Khoury. Strasburg was drafted in the 21st round. Morse was drafted by Lee, but was later cut and picked up by Khoury. "Clarence Lee is a big homo." explained Morse. "Mike Morse it a talking penis." responded Lee.

It was a true team effort for KTFO, as Khoury, master of the spot start, earned wins from 9 different pitchers. Fan-favorite Coco Crisp stole 6 bases and Brandon League had 3 saves. "We were very pleased with Brandon's progress this year." added Khoury.

Lee put up a valiant effort but was ultimately overwhelmed by KTFO. Matt Kemp posted Ruthian totals for Lee, with 5 HRS, 25 runs produced, and an OPS of 1.312. Miguel Cabrera added 4 dongs and B.J. Upton stole 6 bases. Lee got 2 wins and 14 Ks out of Derek Holland, but Carlos Marmol was the goat for Lee, as he failed to register a save and had an ERA of 7.36. "I still hate fantasy baseball, but this was my best season ever. And I'd love to kick the shit out of Marmol." explained Lee.

KTFO has now won 4 of the 8 league championships (2004, 2009, 2010, and 2011). The keeper rules were first implemented in 2005.

Khoury would not disclose the secret to his success. "You know, when I am drafting I am like, well I don't know, let's just see... Well, I mean, OK, let's just go with Travis Snider. Or sometimes maybe, I don't know, well maybe I just shake things up a bit, and well, like I say, well like, let's just keep it interesting, and I throw out a name like Snoop Minnis or Smush Parker for $1. And then we see what everyone does."

League correspondent Kate Pries, who followed much of the series, had this to report: "Well........ I was watching the games and I saw Anthony was playing. And I was like, well, 'Hey Anthony, what's a fantasy baseball?' and then I was going to talk to Clarence but then I don't really know him and Kelly too well, so I thought they might get angry that I was trying to talk to them. But then I saw Brian, and I was like, "Hey Brian! Do you still go to Crazy Bowls?" And he was like "Hey Kate" and I think he wanted to leave the conversation, but I was like "So when are you and Millsy going skiing next?" And then Brian just sort of laughed and then he kind of turned around and ran away and I sort of started screaming but then I was like well.... you know."

Many thanks to Kate for the update.

Ricky "the Jewish Paul Depodesta" Gelboim defeated Scott Ginsburg (who was in the middle of his Honeymoon) 6-4 in the third place game. Led by Mike Napoli (4 HRs), Ricky's team hit 18 HRs. Ian Kennedy had 2 wins, 16 Ks and a 1.29 ERA for Ricky. Ricky drafted Kennedy in the 20th round. Prince Fielder hit 4 HRs and Francisco Cordero recorded 4 saves for Ginsburg. Ginsburg, who won 3 league championships in a row from 2006-2008, was disappointed by the season. "We spent last year rebuilding so that we would be ready to come in here and win our 4th championship. Instead, we came up short, and ended up playing grab-ass with Ricky in the third place game. We have nothing but ourselves and my wedding to blame." Ginsburg finished with the best record for the season, and has his eyes on a 2012 championship. "Anything less than a championship in 2012 would be the most bitter of disappointments." warned Ginsburg.

In the controversial and seldom recognized 5th place game, newcomer Otis defeated Stavros 6-3. James Loney rose from the grave to collect 10 RBIs for Otis, and Adrian Beltre hit 4 HRs for Stavros.

The top 10 players were as follows:

1. Matt Kemp, OF - Clarence

2. Justin Verlander, SP- Mano

3. Jacoby Ellsbury, OF- Stavros

4. Ryan Braun, OF- Ricky

5. Clayton Kershaw, SP- Brady

6. Curtis Granderson, OF- Ricky

7. Roy Halladay, SP- Otis

8. Cliff Lee, SP- Otis

9. Miguel Cabrera, OF- Clarence

10. Adrian Gonzalez, 1B- KTFO

In other news from around the league, Mike Martin continued his rebuilding process, which has entered year six or seven. Mano lost 5 of his last 7 series, including 0-8 and 0-10 drubbings, and missed out on the playoffs. Mano did however win the homer pick of the year for drafting Clay Buchholz in the third round. Kyle was buried after losing 9 of his first 10 series. Kyle landed Melky Cabrera as a free agent, and Cabrera finished as the 24th ranked fantasy player. Brady was unable to capitalize on the success of his native Detroit Tigers, and he missed the playoffs despite having the #2 ranked fantasy pitcher (Clayton Kershaw).

Two familiar names were also missing during the playoffs. Emeson and McKeon, who had missed the playoffs a total of just 1 time during the 7 previous seasons, both missed the playoffs. "The fucking bar got me." explained Emeson.