RomoCrap

It was the move heard round the world. Despite being forewarned to the contrary by virtually every other league owner, Greece Lightning started Tony Romo at quarterback over Aaron Rodgers in the championship game. Aside from his bye week, Rodgers had started every other game for the Lightning this season, was the #1 fantasy scoring player, and was the primary reason that the Lightning finished the regular season in first place and scored the third most points in league history.

What followed was a fantasy football disaster of biblical proportions. Romo was injured early in the game and failed to score any fantasy points. Rodgers had another outstanding game and finished with 43.12 points. The Manimals won 92.88-68.70, beating the Lightning by 24.18 points. Had Rodgers started in place of Romo, the Lightning would have won by nearly 20 points. You can't ride the lightning without Aaron Rodgers.

The Lightning may have let their blind hatred of Philadelphia get the best of them, as they started 3 Cowboys (Romo, Miles Austin and the Cowboys defense) who were squaring up against an Eagle team that had nothing to lose. In their prior meeting in NFL week 8, the Eagles beat the Cowboys 34-7, and Romo had a lackluster effort at QB. Miles Austin has never had a 100-yard game against the Eagles in 10+ career games against them- he racks up his trash yards elsewhere. And what was up with starting the Cowboys defense? As a little green guy in a galaxy far, far away may say, "Match-up proof they are not." Despite having that boner Vince Young at QB for several games, the Eagles offense is #3 in total offensive yards this year, and, when playing with a healthy offense, is not a sound match-up for a fantasy defense. Those 3 Cowboy stiffs combined for 15 points. I get starting Austin, but I don't think it was a good idea to go all in on the Cowboys in this one...

But this was just as much a story of betrayal and colossal disappointment for Greece Lightning and Tony Romo as it was a tale of redemption and accomplishment against all odds for the Manimals and quarterback Carson Palmer. Once the gem of the ~Melonhead franchise, Palmer has been cut multiple times by the ~Melonheads.
~Melonhead owner Borgnine Emerson noted, "Bah! All Carson Pumper does is throw touchdown passes!"

Palmer was scooped up off the waiver wire by the Manimals at the close of the regular season. Despite not playing in a regular season game for the Manimals, Palmer was started in the first round of the playoffs and responded by leading the Manimals to a narrow victory with a 20.68 effort. The Manimals decided to start Palmer the following week in the championship game, and he posted 11.48 points while leading the Manimals to a championship victory.

"I just want to thank God, and I also want to give a big hearty Fuck You to Tim Tebow and all of his assbag fans." noted an elated Palmer. An unknown gunman riddled Palmer's house with bullets following the game, possibly in retaliation to his Tebow comments.

For the Manimals, it was their 6th league championship in the 10 year history of the league. League historians have attributed 5.8 of the Manimal victories to Clarence Lee, and 0.2 victories to Manimal co-owner Rick O'Gelboim. "Our model is that Ricky screws up the draft, and then I bail us out during the season." noted Lee.

The championship game scoring went as follows:

Manimals
QB Carson Palmer 11.48
RB Michael Bush 9.4
RB Shonn Greene 7.8
RB Michael Turner 7.5
WR Larry Fitzgerald 16.5
WR Jeremy Maclin 13.2
TE Antonio Gates 4
K Stephen Gostkowski 11
DEF Cincinnati 12

Greece Lightning
QB Tony Romo 0
RB Darren Sproles 14.90
RB Cedric Benson 2.50
WR Vincent Jackson 4.10
WR Miles Austin 10
WR Jordy Nelson 23.50
TE Aaron Hernandez 3.70
K Mason Crosby 5
DEF Dallas Cowboys 5

Larry Fitzgerald was the only player on either team who also played in the 2010 championship (Fitzgerald scored 2.6 points for Otis last year). Both teams dealt with a myriad of injuries on their way to the finals. The Manimals lost top draft pick Ryan Williams, Darren McFadden and Ben Roethlisberger, while the Lightning lost Fred Jackson, Greg Jennings and Matt Forte. Roethlisberger, who is reportedly playing a rapist in the upcoming Batman movie, was acquired in a midseason trade and projects to be part of the Manimals long term plans.

Due to Romo's injury, the Lightning scored the second fewest points in a championship game (the lowest total is 63, registered by the Manimals in the inaugural 2002 championship game). This was certainly a strong season for the up and coming Lightning franchise, which won as many playoff games this year as the Dallas Cowboys have won in the past 15 years. "We will build off this year- every day Greece Lightning grows stronger and its enemies grow weaker!" explained Greece Lightning owner Petros Papadopoulos.

Athens beat the Stompers 132.42-112.74 in the Bitter Bowl, a meaningless battle for 3rd place. Matthew Stafford scored 33.42 points for the victorious Athenians, while Cam Newton scored 37.34 points in a losing effort for the Stompers. Both teams were still reeling from close losses during the prior week in which their typically reliable AFC North team defenses were made scapegoats. Athens lost 110.84-111.50, as Pittsburgh's defense tallied just one point. The Stompers lost 93.06-93.58, as the Baltimore defense scored negative 1 point.

There is no evidence that the Toilet Bowl occurred this year. It is typically a match-up of the teams with the two worst records, but those two teams (Bafana and the ~Melonheads) appear to have passed on the game. The snake-bitten Bafana franchise may have set an odd and possibly unbreakable record by going 1-7 in games in which they scored more than 100 points.