Get your Popcorn ready Comrades! Comrade Commissar Mikhael McStallen, co-owner of the Kapitalizm Stompers, has unveiled a new logo to kick off the Kapitalizm Stompers 2008 campaign. The Kapitalizm Stompers narrowly lost the league championship game after a play-off race that featured several nail-biting victories. Fans desperate for a championship rioted for seven days and several nights afterwards, and McStallen imposed martial law for the next two months.
The offseason was indeed a bitter one, as a famine swept across the land of the Kapitalizm Stompers leading to massive riots in all urban centers. Neighboring Mongolia became so alarmed at the violence that it dispatched a unit of peacekeepers to the region, but the unit was recalled en rout when the horse got tired and two of the wheels on the cart broke. This unrest was also put down, and many leading dissenters were imprisoned and executed. Anxious to put the bitter memories of last season behind him, McStallen "asked" several leading Communist artisans to develop a logo and mascot for the 2008 Kapitalizm Stompers. The logo features Joe the Bear, a real life Grizzly bear, clutching an AK-47 assault rifle and the Kapitalizm Stomper national flag.
"This mascot, Joe the Bear, is a symbol of the power of Kapitalizm Stompers. All that gets in the way of Uncle Joe will be crushed." announced McStallen.
Plans are for Joe the Bear to attend all home games and to randomly ask spectators for their papers. Joe the Bear will carry live ammunition.
"If a spectator has papers that are out of order, he or she will be escorted from stadium by Joe the Bear, never to be heard from again." explained McStallen.
Joe the Bear has participated in Kapitalzim Stomper offseason work-outs and may be asked to participate in some offensive series.
"He is fast and has good vision. We may run him at fullback and I think we can do option and option pass- although he has trouble gripping ball because of paws." noted McStallen.
"When he throw the ball, there is no spiral, but he make a very good shovel pass." stated McStallen.
As of now Joe the Bear is on the PUP list, so consider him a low-end option even in the deepest leagues, but you may want to take a late-round flier on him as a potential sleeper.
4 comments:
Oh my God I was at Zenga last night and they had the BEST rizzoto- the BEST! You just have to try it- You don't know what you are missing! I'm still thinking about how great it was. Nothing says fulfilling life like good rizzoto ! My life rules and you are all LOSERS! L-O-S-E-R-S ! R-I-Z-Z-O-T-O ! Rizzoto! Rizzoto! Yeah Rizzoto !
Joe the Bear can only hope to inflict as much damage upon unsuspecting patrons as the Manimals unofficial new mascot, the lionfish:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184738/
Glad that you are takin' the laborin' oar on that rizzoto you fuwkin' pig !
Mills- thanks for letting me out of that acquarium. I owe you one. To pay you back I will decimate all small marine species from Cuba to the Great Barrier Reef. If you can get me a round on Pebble Beach I will take out the Mediterrean as well- right up to the Dardenelles. Fuck 'em all. I have to go suck on a trigger fish, but I will call next time I am in the area.
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