Kapitalizm Stompers Celebrate Free Trade

Kapitalizm Stomper owner Mikhael McStallen and an unknown member of McStallen's inner circle drink brandy to celebrate the recent acquisition of Tennessee Titans runningback Chris Johnson

Reuters- Despite an agrarian-based economy grounded in Marxist-Leninist economic principles and devoid of individual human rights and basic civil liberties, the Kapitalizm Stompers released a controversial public statement lauding their recent acquisition of rookie runningback Chris Johnson. In a statement likely intentionally released on the anniversary of the September 11 tragedy, Kapitalizm Stomper owner Mikhael McStallen proclaimed:

"Today we celebrate accomplishment of Kapitalzim Stompers as first team in league to make trade during regular season. While other franchises of league have wasted vast allocations of resources developing free market trade policies to improve team, we have adhered to the teachings of Marx, Engels and Flagg and have consummated an epic transaction. Just as we have beat West in race to moon, we have beat West in race to trade.

We have traded Don McNabb, who has been dishonorably serving as back-up quarterback, for Chris Johnson of the Houston Oilers, the most powerful offense in the history of the NFL. Mr. Johnson is universally regarded as the most feared participant in fantasy football and will bring us much glory. We celebrate the great efforts and strides taken by management in consummating a transaction to improve our team and simultaneously beating other owners at their own game- Capitalism. The other owners have failed their people by not making trade while we have provided for our people.

Let this day be remembered by everyone across the land of the Kapitalizm Stompers- you may work in gulag or live on 50 calories of rice a day, but your efforts for people of this great land will not be forgotten."

When asked to reconsider the abilities of the two players involved in the transaction, McStallen noted that he had to visit his "good friend" Kim jong Il in the hospital and regrettably discontinued the conversation. A Kapitalizm Stomper spokesperson later admitted that the West "probably won" the race to the moon, and asserted that this was not a lie but rather McStallen had misremembered the moon race.