Week 2 Power Rankings

1) Manimals - the 3-time league champions debut in the top spot, despite losing franchise player/matinee idol/salary cap albatross Tom Brady to a season-ending knee injury and getting a grand total of 0.6 points from their TE position in the first 2 weeks. "I think once we get rolling, we can be scary," co-owner Ricky Gelboim said. "Scary good!" With recent addition Randy Moss, we know at least part of that prediction will come true.

This week: Manimals (-9) v. Castro (all lines are for entertainment purposes only).

2) Athens - the other team off to a 2-0 start, team owner Stavros Papadopolous purged his team this week, removing what he called "all non-essential personnel." Gone was Athens stalwart Chad Ocho Cinco, 2007 shooting star Derek Anderson, and rookie sensation Jonathan Stewart. In their place were producers Andre Johnson, Edgerrin James, and Ben Rothelis-something. "Nice pick Stavros," scoffed fellow owner Michael Mano. Rivalry alert: the battle for Greece and the Papadoplous family name is on this week.

Athens (-25) v. Greece Lightning.

3) Melonheads~ - a controversial ranking for a 2-time league champion. "The defending champ gets at least a modicum of respect early on," said rival owner Clarence Lee. "We'll see what happens if they start 0-3." Despite the slow start, the Melonheads are loaded with young, cheap talent like Brandon Marshall, Ryan Grant, DeSean Jackson and Michael Turner. At odds with veteran talent like LT and Carson Palmer, team appears to be in the midst of a changing of the guard. "We're giving it at least one more year with this team," owner Brian Emeson commented. "After that, we might have to starting rebuilding around the young guys." When reached for comment, fellow owner Mike McKeon chuckled and noted, "Rebuilding? Emeson couldn't rebuild his lego castle. "

Melonheads (-2) v. Justice for All.

4) AJFA - The Jay Cutler draft. 2008's annual selection show may be remembered for several things - "Tim Hightower $5!", a bathroom stall, and the selection of Jay Cutler by AJFA. "We were just biding our time before we struck," said co-owner Will Joyce. "Yeah, Cutler worked according to plan," added co-owner Mano. A solid all-around team, AJFA is a definite playoff contender. Slow starts from Joseph Addai and Braylon Edwards have kept the team from a 2-0 start, but Cutler's presence makes this team a dangerous one all season.

AFJA (+2) v. Melonheads.

5) Kapitalizm Stompers - Co-Commissioner/Comissar McKeon's squad started slow, but broke out in Week 2 for 111 points, despite sitting rookie star Darren McFadden. "The Stompers are built for the long haul," McKeon noted. "Everyone one of our starters this week is a young guy. I almost - almost - feel sorry for the league when these guys are ready to dominate." The lineup of Romo, Holmes, Jennings, Chris Johnson, McFadden, Cooley, and Evans is the youngest in the league. "On the plus side," McKeon noted, "Our TE exposed himself and his playbook on his blog."

Stompers (-21) v. LA Rams.

6) Bafana Bafana - Despite managment's obscure offices in Yakima, Washington and the African bush, Bafana has put up the 2nd highest point total through 2 weeks. The secret? "Our ability to scout Julius Jones," said co-owner Scott Wilson. "Everyday after work, I slip up to the practice facility and watch him. He's great!" Co-owner Edgar Mason, reached via internet phone, commented that "as long as we've got TO and Peterson we're good... hold on, our village is being attacked by..." Bafana's reliance on Purple Jesus will be tested, both in Africa and here, by a possible injury this week, but this is a Bafana team that shows surprising depth.

Bafana (pick 'em) v. Stingrays.

7) F.C. Castro - "Hightower!" So goes the battle cry of the perenniel dormat Castros, whom have vowed to change history and bring the team glory. "Hightower!" Shouted aloud at the rookie-heavy draft, where the co-owners Kyle Reeb and Justin Mills eerily rattled off the height, weight, and 40 times of every rookie wide receiver in the pool. "James Hardy, 6'4, 223, 4.45!" shouted Mills as Reeb attempted to prevent Mills from bidding $40 on Hardy. "Devin Thomas, 6'2, 216, 4.39!" Promising rookies WR Eddie Royal ("5'10, 182, 4.49!"), Hightower ("6'0, 216, 4.55!"), and RB Ryan Torain ("6'1, 225, 4.53!") indicate a promising future. "Hightower!"

Castro (+9) v. Manimals.

8) Stingrays - "I can transfer my baseball team to the football league right?" asked team owner Scott Ginsburg asked, wearing a t-shirt that read "Jesus was a red-headed fantasy baseball owner." The football team features 2 stars: Brian Westbrook and Larry Fitzgerald. Turmoil and lack of depth haunts the remainder of the roster, as 2004 star Larry Johnson has struggled mightily, Reggie Bush is a better WR than RB, Marques Colston is out 6 weeks, and only Anthony Gonzalez is worth starting of the 'Rays' bench. "Curtis Ganderson used to play football..." Ginsburg mused.

Stingrays (pick 'em) v. Bafana.

9) Greece Lightning - New owner Petros Papadopolous announced his entry into the league by competently participating in this year's draft. "Really, half-competent participation would have been an improvement," commissioner McKeon commented. After a great debut win, the Lightning were felled in Week 2 but show signs of improvement. "Hey, I stole Emeson's LT backup Darren Sproles, HA!" said Petros. "HA!" Despite Sproles, the team's running game is hampered by a reliance on rookies Ray Rice and Kevin Smith. Until a proven ground game can be found, the Lightning could be in trouble. Petros noted: "Question you would've never thought we'd ask - is Aaron Rodgers a better start than Peyton Manning?"

Greece Lightning (+25) v. Athens.

10) LA Rams - Off to their worst start in years, the Rams did not wait long to launch another rebuilding project. "First to market, that's what I always say," owner Anthony Khoury said. "When you're 0-2, what's the point in waiting? Brian, I'm looking at you." Despite jettisoning talented veterans Andre Johnson, Randy Moss, and Edgerrin James, Khoury received a nice return on his investments, netting Jonathan Stewart, Chris Perry, and Dwayne Bowe. Still, despite his commitment to rebuilding, Khoury could not resist the barbs of commissar McKeon, who has goaded him into starting Sammy Morris and Bryant Johnson over newly acquired stud RB Stewart for this week. "Matchups... matchups..." McKeon continued to whisper. "Matchups..."

Rams (+21) v. Stompers.