Federal Prosecutors' Case Against Clarence Lee Unravels
The case against Clarence Lee appeared to be a strong one. On the night of November 15, 2001, after allegedly consuming two pounds of cocaine, Mr. Lee engaged in a rampage that left sections of St. Louis, MO scarred for years. With a dead hooker propped up in the front seat, Mr. Lee first drove his Humvee through a bustling Ladue orphanage, knocking down several walls and bringing several children to tears. Mr. Lee scooped up nearly one dozen of the children and headed off to a local Schnuck's Super Market. Using his right hand to steer the Humvee and his left hand to fire his AK-47 assault rifle at confused by-standers, Mr. Lee drove his Humvee through the produce and kosher food sections before crashing into the lobster tank. Unfazed, Mr. Lee reversed the Humvee and drove off, forcibly ejecting several orphans from his vehicle in the process.
After successfully evading a police blockade in Clayton, Mr. Lee led police on a wild chase through Forest Park during which time he tossed several orphans at the pursuing police cars. The Humvee was finally disabled after Mr. Lee attempted to unsuccessfully drive it through a large Catholic church. Mr. Lee ran through the church, smiling and firing wildly, and hurled an inattentive altar boy through a stained-glass window. Wearing full body armor, Mr. Lee exited the church and engaged police in a two-hour gun battle along the streets of the Central West End. As the pitched battle raged on, Mr. Lee lobbed several hand grenades at a group of mentally retarded religious pilgrims that had become trapped in the fighting. After firing the last of his ammunition at terrified homosexuals attempting to flee from a local gay bar that he had set ablaze, Mr. Lee finally surrendered to state and federal officials.
Federal prosecutors brought what they thought was an airtight case against Mr. Lee, but the case quickly unraveled. Justin Mills, believed to be an eye-witness to many of the shootings and the retard fragging, refused to testify. "I'm not sticking my neck out for anyone. I'm a Quaker- it's in my blood." explained Mills. Scott Wilson, who had observed much of the Central West End rampage from his hospital bed in Barnes Jewish Hospital, regrettably went into a coma just days after the incident. Defense attorneys successfully discredited another witness, Anthony "Coco" Khoury, by showing evidence that he had maintained several headless bodies in his basement. After Mr. Khoury acknowledged that he was "Coco for corpses!" prosecutors decided not use his testimony. Another crushing blow to the prosecution came when Borg9 Emeson admitted that his testimony concerning Mr. Lee's burning of a homeless man was entirely made up; Emeson confessed that he had crafted the story in hopes of "sticking it to the Manimals." Mr. Lee commented, "I won't go so far as to say that I have never lit a bum on fire, but I sure as shit didn't do it that day."
Many observers felt that the witnesses changed their stories because they were intimidated by Mr. Lee. Mr. Lee countered that such allegations were unfounded and slanderous, and also noted that he had consumed enough cocaine on the day of the rampage that he was legally dead, and that therefore no charges could be legally brought against him.
"Why don't they charge that Hitler guy with some war crimes? Because he's dead- that's why. Same thing with me." Lee explained to reporters.
Mr. Lee was quickly released and the incident became a rallying point for victims' rights advocates seeking stricter gun laws and harsher penalties for crimes committed by the dead. In a heart-warming story, individuals representing both sides of the abortion debate- those that are anti-choice and those that are pro-death- came together to call for Mr. Lee's prosecution. Unfortunately Mr. Lee was not arrested a second time, and was out on the streets of St. Louis much to the dismay of the terrified white landed gentry, who carefully monitored the sitation from behind the safe walls of their gated communities.
Just days after the incident, Mr. Lee quarterbacked the International Shoe football squadron in the B-league Intramural championship game. Mr. Lee threw two touchdown passes to flanker Pete Heath, connected on a critical third and long to Vivek "The Indian Todd Pinkston" Radharikrishnan, and completed a league record 13 passes in a row. The International Shoe defense could not hold, and Lee's efforts to rally the team fell short on the final drive. Lee completed the last pass of the game on a buttonhook to Pete Heath. Heath, who was born without a spine, was able to slip through one tackler but was stopped just short of the goal line by a second defender. "After everything I've been through this week, this game was just a real kick in the nuts." explained Lee.
The case against Clarence Lee appeared to be a strong one. On the night of November 15, 2001, after allegedly consuming two pounds of cocaine, Mr. Lee engaged in a rampage that left sections of St. Louis, MO scarred for years. With a dead hooker propped up in the front seat, Mr. Lee first drove his Humvee through a bustling Ladue orphanage, knocking down several walls and bringing several children to tears. Mr. Lee scooped up nearly one dozen of the children and headed off to a local Schnuck's Super Market. Using his right hand to steer the Humvee and his left hand to fire his AK-47 assault rifle at confused by-standers, Mr. Lee drove his Humvee through the produce and kosher food sections before crashing into the lobster tank. Unfazed, Mr. Lee reversed the Humvee and drove off, forcibly ejecting several orphans from his vehicle in the process.
After successfully evading a police blockade in Clayton, Mr. Lee led police on a wild chase through Forest Park during which time he tossed several orphans at the pursuing police cars. The Humvee was finally disabled after Mr. Lee attempted to unsuccessfully drive it through a large Catholic church. Mr. Lee ran through the church, smiling and firing wildly, and hurled an inattentive altar boy through a stained-glass window. Wearing full body armor, Mr. Lee exited the church and engaged police in a two-hour gun battle along the streets of the Central West End. As the pitched battle raged on, Mr. Lee lobbed several hand grenades at a group of mentally retarded religious pilgrims that had become trapped in the fighting. After firing the last of his ammunition at terrified homosexuals attempting to flee from a local gay bar that he had set ablaze, Mr. Lee finally surrendered to state and federal officials.
Federal prosecutors brought what they thought was an airtight case against Mr. Lee, but the case quickly unraveled. Justin Mills, believed to be an eye-witness to many of the shootings and the retard fragging, refused to testify. "I'm not sticking my neck out for anyone. I'm a Quaker- it's in my blood." explained Mills. Scott Wilson, who had observed much of the Central West End rampage from his hospital bed in Barnes Jewish Hospital, regrettably went into a coma just days after the incident. Defense attorneys successfully discredited another witness, Anthony "Coco" Khoury, by showing evidence that he had maintained several headless bodies in his basement. After Mr. Khoury acknowledged that he was "Coco for corpses!" prosecutors decided not use his testimony. Another crushing blow to the prosecution came when Borg9 Emeson admitted that his testimony concerning Mr. Lee's burning of a homeless man was entirely made up; Emeson confessed that he had crafted the story in hopes of "sticking it to the Manimals." Mr. Lee commented, "I won't go so far as to say that I have never lit a bum on fire, but I sure as shit didn't do it that day."
Many observers felt that the witnesses changed their stories because they were intimidated by Mr. Lee. Mr. Lee countered that such allegations were unfounded and slanderous, and also noted that he had consumed enough cocaine on the day of the rampage that he was legally dead, and that therefore no charges could be legally brought against him.
"Why don't they charge that Hitler guy with some war crimes? Because he's dead- that's why. Same thing with me." Lee explained to reporters.
Mr. Lee was quickly released and the incident became a rallying point for victims' rights advocates seeking stricter gun laws and harsher penalties for crimes committed by the dead. In a heart-warming story, individuals representing both sides of the abortion debate- those that are anti-choice and those that are pro-death- came together to call for Mr. Lee's prosecution. Unfortunately Mr. Lee was not arrested a second time, and was out on the streets of St. Louis much to the dismay of the terrified white landed gentry, who carefully monitored the sitation from behind the safe walls of their gated communities.
Just days after the incident, Mr. Lee quarterbacked the International Shoe football squadron in the B-league Intramural championship game. Mr. Lee threw two touchdown passes to flanker Pete Heath, connected on a critical third and long to Vivek "The Indian Todd Pinkston" Radharikrishnan, and completed a league record 13 passes in a row. The International Shoe defense could not hold, and Lee's efforts to rally the team fell short on the final drive. Lee completed the last pass of the game on a buttonhook to Pete Heath. Heath, who was born without a spine, was able to slip through one tackler but was stopped just short of the goal line by a second defender. "After everything I've been through this week, this game was just a real kick in the nuts." explained Lee.
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