Runningback Arian Foster came out of nowhere to lead the Stompers to their first ever fantasy championship in 20102002 Season
In the inaugural draft of International Shoe Fantasy Football, the Kapitalizm Stompers, perhaps reading too much into Stavros' early acquisition of David Sloan, avoided splurging on the elite players, and waited for "bargains." The strategy back-fired, as the Kapitalizm Stompers missed out on all the good players. The Stompers top picks included Aaron "The Franchise" Brooks, Trent Green, Edgarrin James, Jamal Lewis, Stephen Davis, Jimmy Smith, Rod Gardner and Jeremy Shockey. The Stompers also drafted Houston Texan RBs James Allen and Jonathan Wells, who proved to be two of the most useless players in league history. After starting the season 2-0 thanks to big games by Aaron Brooks, the team went 4-8 and finished in 6th place with a 6-8 record. The Stompers broke 90 points in each of their first two games, but failed to break 90 the rest of the way. The Stompers' obsession with the Panthers backfield began with the drafting of Davis, and continued for many years. Before the 2002 season was over, the Stompers would also add Carolina RB DeShaun Foster, another long-time Stomper. The Stompers acquired David Boston from AJFA in a disastrous midseason trade for Jamal Lewis and several other players who all individually out-performed Boston. Shockey was traded to the Manimals for Alge Crumpler. The Stompers picked up young RBs William Green and Marcell Shipp and "Touchdown Joey" Harrington at the end of the year and hoped they would be productive in 2003, but they turned out to be awful.
2003 Season
The Stompers had a weak 2003 season, again going 6-8, but this time finishing in 8th place. The Stompers brought back the usual suspects, including Aaron Brooks, Trent Green, Edgarrin James, Stephen Davis, and David Boston, but they were collectively horrible. The Stompers had an awful 48.06-54.76 loss to Bafana in week 1, and scored just 31.54 points in week 7. It was boom or bust for the Stompers, who also scored 100 or more points 5 times. The Stompers encountered several off-the-field problems, as partisans bombed their practice facilities after week 8, and costly inflation led to frequent bread riots. As the season came to a close, the Stompers vowed to place more of an emphasis on young talent.
2004 Season
The Stompers had a slow start but a strong finish to the 2004 season. After starting 2-4, they won 4 of their last 6 games, and finished 6-8 for the third year in a row, and 5th place overall. The Stompers acquired Brian Westbrook, Domanick Davis and Larry Fitzgerald in a blockbuster trade with the Manimals, and picked up Larry Johnson as a free agent. The Stompers also rode Billy Volek late in the season for a lot of points. In addition to Westbrook, Johnson, Davis, and Fitzgerald, the year end revamped roster also included Drew Brees and Rod Smith as well as traditional vets Edgarrin James and Stephen Davis. Trent Green and Aaron Brooks were nowhere to be found, and the Stompers looked forward to 2005 with playoff ambitions.
2005 Season
Tragedy struck the Stompers in the 2005 preseason, when owner McStallen, convinced the Stompers were only a "quarterback away from a championship," traded youngsters Brian Westbrook, Larry Johnson, and Rod Smith in a package deal to Josh Teague's Shitgiggles for Donovan McNabb. The Stompers would especially regret this trade in future years, as the "flex spot" was added in 2006 (after we got rid of Nuttelman) and owners horded RBs so they could start 3 RBs a week. The Stompers also gambled and lost by spending $41 on Arizona rookie RB JJ Arrington at the draft. Nevertheless, The 2005 team was competitive, finishing 9-4-1 and earning the franchise's first playoff berth, while mortgaging its future to do so. The ~Melonheads beat the Stompers in the first round of the playoffs 80.96-72.04, and the Stompers found themselves capped out and in dire straits by the end of the season.
2006
The Stompers opened the 2006 on a promising note, changing their team name from the "Capitalism Stompers" to the more traditional "Kapitalizm Stompers," which proved to be the highlight of the season. The Stompers went 5-9 in 2006 and finished in 9th place overall. The Stompers targeted De'Angelo Williams and Randy Moss in the draft, but both were busts. After getting off to its worst start in franchise history, the team quickly began rebuilding. The Stompers traded the longest standing member of their franchise, Edgarrin James, to the Manimals for Cadillac Williams. They also traded disgruntled veteran Randy Moss to the LA Rams for rookie Greg Jennings. Additionally, the Stompers signed youngsters Chris Cooley, Bernard Berrian, Santonio Holmes, Mark Clayton and Tony Romo off the waiver wire. As the season wound down, the Stompers began playing better, and they won 3 of their last 5 games, finishing on a relatively high note.
2007 Season
The 2007 season began well enough, with Doug "I love to hear myself talk but unfortunately no one else does" Good offering Ronnie Brown straight-up for Cadillac Williams prior to the draft because he was worried that all his RBs had byes on the same week. The Stompers took advantage of Good's flawed reasoning, and quickly accepted the trade. The Stompers also added a co-owner, Prussian art dealer Ryan Vanderkluge, who brought balance to the team. The Stompers made possibly their biggest draft day blunder, acquiring Shaun Alexander for $180. Nevertheless, the Stompers used the talent they accumulated during the 2006 season to finish 9-5. The Stompers beat Stavros in the semi-finals, but then lost the league championship game 102.78-108.20 to the ~Melonheads. Needing a RB for their playoff run, the Stompers traded Larry Fitzgerald for Lawrence Maroney, which was a horrendous trade in retrospect. After Shaun Alexander, Lawrence Maroney and Ronnie Brown were lost to injury, free agents Aaron Stecker and Justin Fargas provided badly needed help at the RB position. Following the championship loss, Fargas was named to the Kapitalizm Stomper Hall of Fame, and 7 peasants were shot in his honor.
2008 Season
The Stompers cut De'Angelo Williams prior to the start of the 2008 season, marking the first time in league history that they did not have a Carolina RB on their team. Williams went on to have arguably the best fantasy season of any RB in the league for AJFA. The Stompers acquired Chris Johnson for Donovan McNabb in a trade after week 1 with the Manimals, and then acquired Steven Jackson before the trade deadline in a package deal with the LA Rams in which the Stompers parted with Darren McFadden and Santonio Holmes.
The Stompers finished 9-5 in 2008, but lost in the first round of the playoffs to Stavros, 85.76-107.34, thanks in large part to an 11 catch, 207-yard performance from Hellenic WR Andre Johnson. Things turned even uglier when, realizing defeat was imminent, Kapitalzim Stomper fans began hurling molotov cocktails at the coaching staff.
Vanderkluge was not pleased with the season, insisting that the team had "taken a step backward." Tony Romo, who had a poor championship game in 2007, was scapegoated for the 2008 playoff loss, and the Stompers vowed to drop him in the offseason.
2009 Season
The Stompers went 11-3 in the 2009 season but came up short of a championship. The Stompers acquired Matt Schaub in the preseason for Matt Cassel, Bernard Berrian and Justin Fargas, and by midseason Stompers fans were saying "Tony Who?" Later in the season the Stompers traded promising young WR Sidney Rice to the Manimals for Anquan Boldin and Vernon Davis. Much of the Stompers' success was due to its ground game, led by fantasy MVP Chris Johnson. Steve Jackson also provided consistent stats while Ricky Williams provided badly needed fantasy numbers after Ronnie Brown suffered his annual late-season injury. "Ricky Williams was a beast." noted Vanderkluge. The Stompers set team records for most wins (11) and points (1501.40) in a season [note that they broke both records the following season], and finished in second place after losing the championship game 93.64-125.62. A bitter Coach McStallen blamed the loss on injuries to Ricky Williams and Steven Jackson, but most league experts agree that the injuries would not have changed the outcome for the Stompers. Coach Vanderkluge signed rookie RB Arian Foster in the final blind bid period prior to the 2009 playoffs to give the Stompers "playoff depth." Although Foster did not play for the Stompers in 2009, he would become a crucial component of future teams.
2010 Season
The Stompers kept a solid group of players, including Matt Schaub, Ben Roethlisberger, Chris Johnson, Steven Jackson, Arian Foster, Hakeem Nicks, Terrell Owens, Santonio Holmes (acquired in an offseason trade with Petros for Greg Jennings) and Vernon Davis. Foster was almost lost, as McStallen offered him as a throw-in in the Holmes-Jennings trade, but Petros declined. The Stompers also drafted Reggie Wayne and Mike Williams (TB), and had a fairly strong line-up to start the season. The Stompers signed Dave Garrard and Brian Westbrook through blind bidding and traded for TE Jacob Tamme at the trade deadline to add depth at TE.
With their talent in place, the Stompers set a league record by going 12-2 in the regular season and had the second highest regular season point total in league history. They defeated the Castro 109.30-80.62 in the semi-finals and then beat Otis in the finals by a score of 103.70-82.04 to win their first ever league championship. The Stompers scored 100 or more points in 14 of their 16 games. Their only two losses came against the Castro in the two weeks in which they failed to score 100 points. The Stompers frequently changed their kickers and defenses based on match-ups to maximize/inflate their scoring, and received strong contributions from Dan Carpenter, Matt Bryant, David Buehler and the Baltimore, Tampa Bay and San Diego defenses
2011 Season
The Stompers entered the 2011 season with lofty expectations, coming off a championship season and earning additional preseason hype by landing Maurice Jones-Drew in the 2011 draft, to give them a 3-headed RB attack of Johnson, Foster and Jones-Drew. The Stompers also drafted promising youngsters Randall Cobb and Eric Decker for $1 each, and signed Cam Newton as a $1 free agent before week 1. Although they looked good on paper, Arian Foster suffered a preseason hamstring injury, Chris Johnson held out, and Hakeem Nicks was dinged up, and the result was that the Stompers began the season 0-3. Newton took the helm at QB and the Stompers won 8 of their last 11 games and finished 8-6. The Stompers traded Ben Roethlisberger and Mike Williams (TB) for Roy Helu and Sidney Rice, but had to cut Vernon Davis (who was having a marginal season at the time) to fit the transaction under their cap. Their season ended in a close, first round playoff loss to the Manimals by a score of 93.06-93.58 after a (-1) point performance by the Ravens defense.
2012 Season
Due to salary cap restrictions, the Stompers traded Maurice Jones-Drew in July to Stavros for Torrey Smith and Bernard Scott, and kept Arian Foster, Chris Johnson, Cam Newton, Matt Schaub, Hakeem Nicks, Roy Helu, Randall Cobb and Eric Decker. The Stompers added Antonio Gates in the draft and had 3 Redskin RBs (Helu, Evan Royster and Alfred Morris) at the start of the season. Morris quickly emerged as the feature back, and Royster and Helu were cut. Gates had a weak season and lost his starting spot to free agent acquisition Greg Olsen. After a slow start, several Stompers, including Newton, Cobb and Morris, got hot and the Stompers finished 8-6 and made the playoffs. The Stompers knocked off the L.A. Rams 110.44-53.06 in the first round, but then lost to Bafana in the finals 106.38-82.50. The Stompers received decent production in the championship game from Newton, Cobb (who left with a late injury) and Morris. However, Arian Foster left the championship game early due to an irregular heartbeat, and scored just .9 points, Cecil Shorts sustained another concussion, and boom-or-bust bum Chris Johnson added just 4.1 points. It was the Stompers' 4th trip to the finals in 6 years, and their third championship loss.
2 comments:
Hey, there's a lot of blame to go around for that 2002 trainwreck season and it starts at the top. I never liked to play for new owners. Most of them are pampered rich kids looking for an ego boost, but McStallen was different. He'd sit up there alone in that owners box day and night, through practices and games. Never spoke to us, never spoke to anybody so much as we could tell. Just sat and watched. Cheap bastard never spent a nickel on anything either. We had no weight room, no trainers and traveled by bus. Had all these wierd rules too - only food we were allowed to eat was boiled meat and root vegies, had to wear these grey army-type uniforms to press conferences, and slackers were branded. Bout half way through the season, teammates started dying. Sick shit too, guns and knives and shit. Whole thing was just wierd - I got outs of there as soon as I could.
They kept changing the playbook and they sabotaged my career- I mean we was 2-0 and throwing the ball all over the place, and then a HIND helicopter lands on the practice field one day and this guy from Moscow gets out, slugging a bottle of cosmonaut. It was crazy- I thought Mills was going to shit himself. Then he hands me this new playbook and says we will start running these new plays for Mother Russia. Frickin playbook was in Russian.
So we was like, OK, fuck it, let's try and run the first one and see what happens- it was a Red Square Bootleg- Then as we are getting ready to run the new plays, Patrick Swayze and a bunch of his friends start firing rockets at the helicopter and shelling the practice field.
I heard McStallen yelling for someone to check their fire and I just hauled ass and got out of there fast as I could like fuckin Forest Gump, except I didn't go back for no one no how.
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